is this real? is that really you?
i ache again today. a deep, strong, ache, that maybe none of this is real.
that maybe the love i feel from the people i care most deeply about is faked. trust, shattered far into the future. people i care for, people i wished to see the beauty in, will all eventually hurt me. and i’m expected to move forward in life no matter what.
i read the bible and He tells me there is no fear in Love. that the true fear is separation from Love Himself, and i suppose that is true. too often i seek temporary highs and bonds i know are imperfect. none of this heals me. none of this fixes me.
i need time to focus on what I want to do that day. i need some days to figure out what i wanna do and recenter myself. i love myself, i love Jesus enough to know there is something deeply wrong with my inner peace.
i love my life. going against my gut feelings, my own feelings about current situations, is self harm. i want to honor how i feel. i want to honor my thoughts and my truths. i want to honor my body and my mind. i want to be better. i want to be stronger. all for the Lord Himself, amen.