i want to be healthier, happier
i've been thinking back to a year back where i was at my lowest. my dog had passed away, people who i thought were my friends exited my life, and my family was on the verge of collapse. i barely had any appetite. i lost weight, to which i was mildly happy about, but at what cost?
still, i went to the gym. i struggled with feeling okay. i lifted really heavy rocks and temporarily my stress would go away. i'd walk and sweat for an hour and for a while my body would feel great. i would feel great. drinking water, regulating my food intake, moving my body, meditating on God's scripture, all of these did wonders for my mental. i know, wow, amazing, right?
it worked really well until it didn't. i started to focus on other things in my life and eventually all the habits i tried to keep fell away and i prioritized being in the moment instead of planning for the future. now, i realize balancing those things is tough. i mean, really tough.
how can i keep myself well balanced while not complicating my life? that's something i'm going to be struggling with for a while. i want to not feel bad for snacking on a biscuit and i want to have the drive to go on a run outside (though that may have to wait with the riots recently). i want to dance more. i want to drink and eat things that make me feel good after a workout. i want to be at my best.
but i guess i can't have it all, all at once. one step at a time. tomorrow i am going to go on a run. let's do this!